if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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