After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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