Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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