Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
