Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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