cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
