There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
