I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
