Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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