wrigley field is MILF paradise
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
