is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i love accidental penises.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
