He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Actions speak louder than pants.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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