Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just pee around me
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
