Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Congratulations! We have a period
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
