Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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