you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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