He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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