Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
