idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
