i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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