I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
