I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
