he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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