dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
