also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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