I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
