Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
