Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
