I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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