2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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