I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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