I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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