I am in a vortex of obligation.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
