We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
