Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
In America we eat man semen.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
