the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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