miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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