Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
