just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
