and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions