I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.