I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
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