so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....