I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.