I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
