i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
