You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
