are you still at the devil's house?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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