may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
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He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
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I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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