Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
