I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
