you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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