i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
and she was petting her beer can
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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