I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
