Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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