Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
