I'm gonna have a badass scar
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
