when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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