the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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