Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You ruined the universe
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
