Pappa wants mamma naked
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
