Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
