Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
