Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
