You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.