I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?