'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.