yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought