Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
