YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...