i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
