Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police