I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
