I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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