Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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